Category Archives: Contemplations

What do I have to do to be bored?

August 4, 2014Contemplations, Discoveriesvica

Yesterday on a train ride from Århus to Aalborg, together with my son, I saw a boy and his younger sister, both in the beginning of their teens. They set at the opposite side of the aisle. Both were pretty rough with each other. Slapped and pushed each other, but laughed at the same time.

Niklas was watching fascinated. I concluded to him and to me, “They are just bored and can’t find an occupation, which can interest them here in the train.”

But were they really bored? It might have been also my interpretation. Niklas revealed my resistance against their behavior by saying, “They just make jokes and fun.”

Although I still disapproved the way the two children treated each other, I had to admit that I was afraid that my son would copy them and be as rough to his sibling coming in December or his friends.

So after recognizing that my reaction was dictated by this fear, I stopped resisting, which I had to do several times because the fear was coming back, and read in a magazine or looked outside of the window and enjoyed the changing view of fields and villages we were passing by.

Something interesting happened a little bit later. The lack of my attention to them, which I paid by glaring at them at the beginning, led to two occurrences. Niklas stopped watching them and started playing with my hand as if it were a robot’s hand. We both enjoy this game. Second, the two children changed seats farther from us and closer to the exit.

Today something else happened which made me think about boredom. I read two e-mails from a new member of the meet-up group I have initialized in Aalborg. The man wrote that he moved to Aalborg in February and claimed the city to be boring so far. He also suspected the fact that only three people were planning to meet coming Friday, promised the meeting to be boring as well.

These e-mails became a puzzle to me, which I was eager to solve in the first minutes after reading the mails. I noticed that I became a bit too involved and thought of defending of what our meet-up is about.

But when I tried to understand what boredom was, I could look at these messages remotely and calmly.

I found the following synonyms to boring: dull, repetitive, or tedious.

It is interesting that the word boring is sometimes understood in an absolute way, but the other three words do sound as labels. And as soon as we hear a person using an obvious label, we know that his or her opinion is very subjective. This led me to another thought: boredom is not objective. It never can be.

So, what do I have to do to be bored? I just have to complain that where I am or what I am doing is not where I want to be or to do.

And this is what this young man joining our meet-up didn’t recognize yet. His resistance and complaint about coming to Aalborg prevents him enjoying life here and discovering wonderful people and beautiful surroundings.

It was interesting for me to discover that boredom goes hand in hand with complaint.

In train I didn’t have this recognition yet. But by doing what I liked I could forget my complaint and leave those seemingly dull and tedious things behind me.

Picture: I will never get tired of books. If I start complaining about one in my head, I know I can always find another which will fascinate me. This big book in Astrid Lindgren’s World in Vimmerby fascinated me as soon as I saw it.

A discovery about descriptions

July 29, 2014Books I read, Contemplations, Discoveriesvica

One of the things I used to dislike in books were long descriptions. Even descriptions by such masters as Leo Tolstoy and Jane Austen made me sometimes become quite impatient and my brain thinking: “When will the story continue?”

I am sure this just shows my impatience at those moments, not the lack of virtue of the pieces I read. But still, these experiences made me afraid writing descriptions as soon as I started writing fiction myself.

And then several months ago I have read “The Signature of All Things” by Elizabeth Gilbert and became completely dumbfounded. This book is full of descriptions! And many of them where pages and pages long. How could this be?

Last week I read an article in Writer’s Digest from January 2014 by Elizabeth Sims. The title of the article is “Miscalculations and Missteps”. And there in Section 6 named “The Great Undescribed”, I found the following:

“Take a risk and go long. The value of a relatively long description is that it draws your readers deeper into the scene. The worry is that you’ll bore them. But if you do a good job you’ll engross them. Really getting into a description is one of the most fun things you can do as an author. Here’s the trick: Get going on a description with the attitude of discovering, not informing. In this zone, you’re not writing to tell readers stuff you already know – rather, you are writing to discover and experience the scene right alongside them.”

This passage revealed the secret of the SOAT (as Elizabeth Gilbert calls her book), which was hidden for me. SOAT is full of descriptions, but each description is full of discoveries: of love, of own body, of lust, of science, of secrets of universe and its origins and many more. The whole book is continuous discovery. And you can hear this wonder in the voice of the narrator, who mirrors the wonder the main character, Alma Whittaker, experiences through her journey.

The book covers the period of time of more than 50 years! This again goes against the advice I learned: “The shorter the period of time your story takes place the better. Backstory can go further back, but the plot itself should unfold in a short period of time. Otherwise, you will bore the reader.” But SOAT proves this advice completely wrong. It starts with Alma’s birth and finishes with her death.

But even at her death, Alma was discovering. As the Amazon review of SOAT says, Alma is “the insatiably curious“. And I became more and more curious with every sentence I read.

I am very grateful to both Elizabeths (Gilbert and Sims) for lifting my fear from descriptions, for showing me that I can love long descriptions and wish for more, and for giving me a great clue of recognizing a really good one.

And all this led me to a thought which applies to everything: One of the clues to having fun, along with being in the moment, is to be in a constant discovery mode, walking through life ‘with an open mouth’ and being in awe of everything around and inside ourselves.

Pictures: During our recent vacation in South Sweden I rediscovered my love and awe with Karlson on the Roof (from a series of stories written by Astrid Lindgren). I forgot over the years how much I loved these stories and the animated films based on these stories and created in Soviet Union. We visited Astrid Lindgren’s World theme park in Vimmerby, Astrid Lindgren’s birth place. Niklas wanted to see Pippi Longstocking and her house. And when we did it, I knew I wanted to see Karlson, or at least his house. And then as Niklas and I were on the roof at Karlson’s door, we saw him singing and dancing in the street in front of the house. We hurried downstairs to see more. It was such fun to see a childhood’s hero live. And it is an absolute pleasure to witness my son discovering his childhood heroes.

To … or not to …?

July 10, 2014Contemplations, Discoveriesvica

“Can you imagine that a few meters away from where you are now, the following words have been written: ‘To be or not to be?’?”

I have heard these question on a sightseeing tour in London close to the Shakespeare’s globe.

A day later, I wondered: “Would Hamlet put this famous question if he would practice transformation or any other technique that helps living in the current moment, living a fulfilled life?” The answer came pretty fast: “He wouldn’t.” He would just know where he was and what he should do without blaming anyone in his misery.

I was smiling when I had these thoughts. The fact that I heard this question, that I have been to Cambridge and London this year is due to the fact that I followed one of my dreams. I wanted to go to Cambridge, I wanted to visit the transformational seminar with Ariel and Shya Kane there, I wanted to take my son and my mother-in-law (to spend time with us and to take care of Niklas, while I would be at the seminar) with me, and I wanted to see again my wonderful friends Ian and Mildred after a long time. All these wishes didn’t come simultaneously, but some of them did and the others appeared as soon as the first became clear.

I did have thoughts like “This is too crazy! This will cost too much money. I will have to organize and take the responsibility for the whole trip all by myself. I can’t possibly do it!” But the wish was there and as soon as I expressed it out loud to my husband, to my family and friends, I got support. “Go for it! How wonderful!” were the answers. And from my wonderful friend and mother-in-law: “I am in!”

Today is the first day after we are back from this breathtaking trip. And I will always remember it as a multidimensional dream that came true, and in which I was the driving force to make it true.

So the answer to the question in the title is very simple and obvious: If you really want it, then you really should do, whatever you are up to.

My next and current dream is to write as much as I can and this post a small realization of it.

Wishing all wonderful moments of making dreams come true, however small, big, seemingly insignificant or momentous they are! If you really want them, then they are important.

Pictures: As soon as I looked at the London’s map, I knew that I wanted to see two things: Big Ben and Baker Street. And these two wishes also became true. And then there was the sweetest baker at the pizzeria on Baker Street, where we had wonderful dinner.

Let’s be kind

June 30, 2014Books I read, Contemplations, Favorite quotesvica

I’ve recently read “The Kalahari Typing School for Men” by Alexander McCall Smith. I enjoyed it very much, as much as all the previous books in the “The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency Series“ and other books by this author.

The following quote from “The Kalahari Typing School for Men” drew my attention and made me want to count it to my favorite quotes:

“People’s lives are delicate: you cannot interfere with them without running the risk of changing them profoundly. A chance remark, a careless involvement, may make the difference between a life of happiness and one of sorrow.” Alexander McCall Smith

This is very true. We sometimes do not think what impression our behavior and words can make on people surrounding us and their lives. We follow our agendas and often forget that these might collide with agendas and feelings of others. Being present, attentive, interested in and compassionate to everyone around us will directly lead to smiles, understanding and less conflicts between people. I’m impressed again and again by effect of a genuine smile on other people. Their faces light up and there is at least one small second of pure happiness in them.

And there is someone else we have to treat kind. Ourselves. We have all those self-judging and annihilating thoughts. We often don’t realize that we offend ourselves as much as or even more than a hurtful word from another person.

Here is my call-out to everyone who reads this, including myself:

Let’s be kind to ourselves and everyone around us.

Picture: One of the best places to get “infected” by a smile is a celebration or a big party. I’ve seen many wonderful smiles at the Sankt Hans celebrations in Aalborg last week.

No need to regret regrets

June 2, 2014Contemplations, Discoveriesvica

Have you ever judged the prejudiced? Or have been intolerant to those who show intolerance toward other people or their ways? Or have you ever regretted that you were sorry about something?

I definitely did and will probably do it at some point again. Both to my own prejudices, intolerances and regrets, and to those of the people I cross ways with.

The positive thinking, we hear is good for us, might make us suggest that there is no place for negative feelings in our lives. Or there shouldn’t be.

I definitely thought so and when somebody wrinkled his or her nose upon something I was trying to list all the positive sides of this something, even if being honest I myself would wrinkle my nose too.

But the truth is that what happened, happened, and should have happened. Otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. Thus, however we might deny and resist it, there are times for regrets, prejudices and times when we have an urge to be intolerant.

The great thing is that when we just step back and watch with curiousness and awareness, we notice amazing things about human nature and those negative things and feelings do not appear negative anymore. They are just natural features of our thrilling reality. They are signs that guide us toward certain turns in our lives.

Understanding and experiencing this brought me a huge relief. I don’t have to worry about my or anyone else’s worries anymore. All I have to be is to be present and aware. And listening. And truly observing without judging. And then something wonderful happens: everything I let be, lets me be.

Learning this brought both relief and fear, because I was afraid to forget some nice experiences. Letting go was for me equivalent to taking farewell forever.

But that is not true either. We can keep all those memories, of both “good” and “bad” and still be able to let go, or rather let all that to have been or to have happened.

And those supposedly “bad” things add deep, intensive colors to our lives’ paintings.

I wish you fun in discovering and painting the picture of your life!

Picture: Being ones of my favorite animals, along with elephants, mice, donkeys and turtles, giraffes symbolize true curiosity for me. I met these giraffes at the Aalborg zoo about a week ago.